The Ironic Life

I MUST be PERFECT for everyone to see

Each time I make a mistake, you blame me for everything that has happen. I don’t deny it is not my fault but it takes two hands to clap.

I know I’m not a perfect person, I don’t do things the same way you do. I prefer to take the long route for reason even I myself can’t explain. I know you hate it and I know I will change for that

I know you love stability and an independent girl, I have started to become more independent. I choose to do things on my own, yet the repercussion of my past still haunts me. I know you blame me for spilled milk, milk that I can never pick up again. There is nothing more that I can do than to wipe it up and pick off where I left but you would not allow me to.

You keep saying I’m ignorant and indifference towards what my circumstances. I know everyone thinks that way about me. I worry everyday about my life, just wondering . I try to do what I can to solve my problems, I source out information for alternative routes.

I don’t write this out to blame you. Intact I do not even think it is your fault. I just hope you would understand me more. Just because you see us as equals, it does not mean we are equally gifted in our strengths and weakness, it also does not mean I’m as capable as you in terms of your strength.

If you want me to be someone else other than myself , let me know.

All the sweetness and affectionate actions are all gone once he has got you

I am always trying to be good enough for you to not make the same mistake, to change who i used to be. I am always trying my best to grow up. It is so difficult, something I manage to change and some others I don’t.Sometimes I do things with no reason, I just have no reason for it and that is not good enough a reason for you. Some of my traits are who i am and i was born this way. I can’t change them thoroughly even though I try, they still come back no matter how hard I change.I know you do this for my own good

Sometimes things seem so scary. You can’t accept some weird quirks of mine and you make me feel like you are always blaming me for everything bad that has happen in our lives and it scares my bones, I feel like I am living on my toes. I am always trying to avoid the situation where you will flare up and scream at me. I am afraid of so many things. Is this how it is suppose to be? I feel secure about the world, but I don’t feel secure about what would happen next between us. I know to you all this is just bullshit, but to me. It is effort , it might not be good enough for you though.

These days my dreams are becoming more vivd, somehow i feel this is really what I want , it is pretty frivolous, but I feel my should yearning

I wish you can see how much I care , but all you do Is just think of how much benefit you can get